Valentine Challenge

It's Valentine's Day and love is in the air! Well, actually at my house, love is overseas...as my husband is in London today while I am here in Connecticut. So it's just me and the kiddos and way too many conversation hearts. UR CUTE, KISS ME, YOU ROCK, etc. My kids never tire of reading those things. And it's like they think I wrote the messages on there myself, just for them.

And that got me thinking about other ways to tangibly express love to my children. Supposedly, there are five different "Love Languages". Words of Encouragement, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, and Gifts. We all need all of them to feel loved, but usually each person has one or two that really speak "Love" to him or her in a powerful way...a primary love language. So my first Valentine Challenge is to try to find out each of my children's primary love language(s). Some suggestions that I have read are to "have your child draw a picture or call out ways that parents love their children (without influencing their answers)". "Observe how your child expresses love to yourself and others." "Listen to what your child requests or complains about most often." "Or you can experiment by expressing love each way, and then noting your child's response." I am totally going to try these experiments this week!

And once I figure that out, my next Challenge is going to be: To make each child feel like I love them the BEST. I love the book called, "You're All My Favorites" about a mommy and daddy bear explaining to their three baby bears how they love all three of them the best. Precious!
And I know a bit about this first hand. I am the oldest of four kids, and I think each one of us growing up secretly thought that my Mom loved us the the best. Actually, we are all grown adults with families of our own, and I still think each of us secretly believes that Mom loves us the best. Sure we know she tries to be fair and spread her love around to all of us equally. But each one of us knows in our heart she really loves me the best.

Now that is a good trick! I am not sure how she did it, but I need to figure it out. Because I want my kids to feel the same way. I want each one of them to feel so loved, that they think I love them the best. But then again, not so much that they feel like taunting the other two with this information. I can just hear it now "Mommy loves me BEST!! Mommy loves me BEST!!"
That's always good for a punch in the nose. (My older son is the taunter...my middle child "Rocky" is a man of action!)

So I guess that leads to my third Valentine Challenge...To somehow achieve Challenges #1 and #2 without any bloodshed! "Rocky" could prove to make this last Challenge very challenging. Then again, he may have already given me a clue to my first Challenge...perhaps his primary "Love Language" is physical touch. :)

Happy Valentine's Day! And Good Luck in whatever Challenges you face today.

And if you have any other fun and/or creative ways to show love to your children, please share!

Who Moved My Cheese?

With 8 "snow days" in January and several "late-starts" and "early-releases" from school, lately my life has been in total upheaval. When I wake up in the morning I don't know if I am going to be getting everyone ready and shuttling them off to their schools. Or if I am going to be sequestered in my house with my three children trying to fill the next 12 hours with enough activities and entertainment to keep us all from driving each other crazy. I don't know if I am going to be visiting the dentist and then doing a long over-due grocery shop. Or if I am going to be rescheduling my appointment for the fourth time and then looking online for ideas of what I can make with lima beans, peanut butter, and ramen noodles (because that is pretty much all we have left in the cupboard).

All this chaos on a day-to-day basis has reminded me of a book I was made to read 10 years ago BC (Before Children) when I was a working woman. It was called "Who Moved My Cheese?" It is a parody about adapting to change. The book tells the tale of four mice in a maze and how they respond when their "cheese" has been moved. Some mope around missing their cheese and cursing the "cheese movers". Others choose to move on, looking at it as an opportunity to discover new cheese elsewhere. (This is a book that corporations give to employees before major re-structuring or down-sizing to deter whiners).

I actually thought the book was pretty cheesy. Literally and figuratively.

But now I feel like I am trapped inside that cheesy book.

I wake up expecting things to be a certain way...and then no cheese! Ok, one snow day is no problem. Hey, I love being home with my children! Let's go play in the snow! Day Two, no sweat. Let's make cookies and put on a puppet show. Day five...umm, really? Another snow day?? I guess we'll have a Dora and Diego marathon. And then we'll go scrape the ice off the drive way. YAY! Day Eight...are you freaking kidding me?!? God, take me now! I await your loving embrace.

Don't get me wrong, it's not the time spent with my children that is driving me crazy. (OK, maybe just a little bit!) But more so, it is the fact that our normal routine is being disrupted day after day.

And the truth of the matter is that I do a pretty good job losing my cheese all by myself, without any help from Mother Nature. I have the best of intentions, but I am often scattered and forgetful. I often walk into a room, unable to remember why I went in there. And I am always losing things. Either because I put something somewhere while I was distracted and I have no recollection of it. Or because one of my children found another home for it, and he has no recollection of it.

Maybe I should write my own book, "Who Moved My Keys?" I doubt it would be a best seller, but it might help me locate these very important items. Which I can't seem to find. Which I might need. To drive my car. If it ever stops snowing...

Java Mama

It's still pitch dark outside. I can't see my hand in front of my face. But I can hear the pitter-patter of little feet climbing the stairs to our bedroom. "MOOOOOOOM. Wake UUUUUUUUUUppppp!" I can make out two small figures, but their faces are just a blur. I am assuming they are my children, but they could be a couple of munchkins who've escaped from the Wizard of Oz for all I know. I am still not sure if I am awake or if this is a dream.

As I stumble down the stairs, I am feeling bitter about the fact that I am awake at such an ungodly hour. Then I round the corner into my kitchen and I see it....The Coffee Maker. Like a ray of light shining through the darkness, I feel my spirits lifting. As I measure the coffee grounds and the water, I start to sense a giddy feeling inside. As I watch the dark liquid drip into the pot and smell the sweet aroma of the coffee brewing, my whole body starts to tingle in anticipation. As I take the first sip, I can feel the dark, hot liquid pulsing through my veins. A feeling of euphoria sweeps over me. Ahhhhhh. My whole body relaxes and my spirit is immediately lifted.

It's not so much that the coffee helps me wake up, the munchkins have already taken care of that. It's that it improves the way that I perceive the world around me. Suddenly those blurry little faces have transformed into little cherubs with an angelic glow about them . My resentment towards my husband (who is still in bed) has turned into love and gratefulness for how hard he works in order to provide for us. (i.e. He provides the coffee. Does that make him my Java Daddy?). The birds outside now sound joyous, instead of annoying. Even my house seems a little less messy. Shall I break out in song...."Oh, what a beautiful morning, Oh, what a beautiful day. I've got a beautiful feeling, everythings going my way."

A few more sips....and now I can face the day with a smile on my face and love in my heart. Pancakes anyone?

O.K., so I might have a problem.

My name is Karly and I am a Java Mama.

Any other Java Mamas out there? Should we form a support group? I'll bring the coffee!

I Used to Be Fun...

I was complaining to a friend the other day that I am just not fun any more.

I used to laugh. A lot. In fact, I would laugh until I cried. Once I even laughed so hard that I peed my pants. Nowadays, if I am crying it is not because I think something is funny. It probably means I am either totally sleep-deprived or pms-ing. And if I have peed my pants, it is because I sneezed (just not the same down there since popping out three bambinos. Too much information? So sorry! I also used to be modest.).

I used to like balloons. I mean, who doesn't like balloons? ME!! I hate them. Really. One always pops before we even get it home, causing massive amounts of tears and wailing. Then my children fight like cats and dogs over the ones that actually do make it home. Not to mention the fact that they shrivel up overnight and in the morning, voilà... a choking hazard. Did I mention that I HATE balloons? See, I told you...no fun!

I used to be spontaneous. Able to leave for the weekend on a whim. Now I need at least a week's notice for any kind of "trip"...to catch up on laundry, get everyone packed, leave detailed instructions, and think of everything that could possibly go wrong so that I can prepare for plan B, C, D, and E. And then instead of being excited, I end up so exhausted from all the preparations that I find myself thinking, "Maybe it would have been better to just stay home". Like I said, NO FUN!!

Every once in a while, my fun-side will make an appearance. Like this week when I was carving out snow tunnels with my kids. We made several snow tunnels in the mountain of snow at the end of our driveway. And we were totally into it. We made them interconnecting with escape hatches and secret passages. And while we were climbing through our creations, my son looked at me and said, "Mom, you are the most FUN mom ever!" Ahhh! A Hallmark moment!

And I thought to myself, "Why can't I always be like this? The MOST FUN MOM."

And then I remembered that someone has to make sure that they eat their vegetables, and that everyone has clean underwear, and that no one pokes their eye out. I mean, losing an eyeball would really not be fun.

Being "FUN" is nice and all, but let's face it with malnourishment, nakedness, and blindness on the line...Motherhood is actually very serious business!

Fish Out of Water

"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."
— Albert Einstein

On the eve of my eldest son's seventh birthday, I am reflecting on how much my life has changed in the past seven years. How many dirty bottoms I have wiped. How many hours of sleep I have lost. How many boo-boos I have kissed. How many times I have read Goodnight Moon or sang "If Your Happy and You Know It". I am also reflecting on how as a mother I have come so far and learned so much, and yet at times I still feel so utterly clueless.

Ahhhh, motherhood. The more you know, the more you know you don't know diddly-squat!

I used to be quite successful at whatever I set out to do. School. Work. Projects. Renovations. Yeah, I was feeling pretty darn good about myself. Before I starting popping these babies out. Now I am more like...does anyone know which end is up. Seriously. Can someone point me in the right direction. Just tell me if I am getting warmer...warmer...cooler...very cold...Ok, forget it!

I really do not think that I have ever worked so hard at anything in my entire life and yet I still feel like I knew a lot more about parenting before my children were born!

This parenting gig really is a crap shoot...a guessing game. Like should I make a big deal about a certain misbehavior or just ignore it. Should I give the kids what they want (they might end up spoiled) or should I say no (they might end up feeling neglected)? Should I make them share or let them have some control over their own toys? When they get hurt, do I hug them and say "poor baby" or pat them on the back and say "You're OK, just shake it off"? At what age should they be able to effectively wipe their own bums? At what age should I let my children watch Star Wars? I could go on and on...

One of the problems with parenting is that the answers to some of these questions do not necessarily become more clear as more kids are added to the equation. For instance, when our son was 2, we were very vigilant about each and every minute of television or movies he watched. We pondered whether Blue's Clues or Dora were "developmentally appropriate" for his age. Now that we have three children we are like "Let's all watch Return of the Jedi for movie night!" And only after the monster-that-eats-people appears on the screen do we look over at our wide-eyed two year old daughter and think, "Is this too scary?" I mean, our former selves would be completely horrified!!

Albert Einstein once said the "Everyone is a Genius", but I have to admit that I don't feel like one. Being a genius and being a mother seem to be paradoxical states of being. It seems that motherhood is like a giant spotlight on my shortcomings, the parts of my character that need improvement, and the fact that I have no idea what I am doing most of the time. At times I do feel like a fish trying to climb a tree.

That might explain why one of my favorite things to do is soak in a bubble bath after the kids are asleep! Calgone take my away!! Far away. Like Hawaii or Australia.

Of course, there are still no-good-very-bad days....even in Australia. And sharks and crocodiles.

On second thought, I think I will stay right here and take me chances with my children. At least they don't bite...most of the time!

Welcome to Mommy Tsunamis

If you look in the mirror and wonder, "How did I get like this?"...you may have been hit by the Mommy Tsunamis.

If you say and do things that you swore you would never say or do as a mother...you may have been hit by the Mommy Tsunamis.

If you are still in shock over how many disgusting bodily fluids a mommy deals with on any given day...you may have been hit by the Mommy Tsunamis.

When I first became a mommy, now almost 7 years ago (Yikes! Has it been that long?? All those people at the supermarket were right! It does go fast!), it was as if I had been hit by a Tsunami. I felt like a giant wave had come crashing over me and I really didn't know which end was up. I was drowning, gasping in a sea of dirty diapers and sleepless nights and doubts about my qualifications for even being a mother. Not knowing if I would ever again see the shores of the life I used to know. A life filled with hot meals and long showers and spontaneous romantic escapades with my husband.

There were times when I would finally get to the surface and take a deep breath and think, "Alright, now it should be smooth sailing!" Only to be hit by another wave...another pregnancy (let's add a couple more tots to this three-ring circus!), a new "stage" (potty training, tantrums, pooping in the tub...I mean, seriously?), a change of location (Let's make things interesting and move across the country!), or some major mommy moment... like Kindergarten. (You totally think you're ready, and you've actually been looking forward to it for like five years, and then it hits you..."My BABY is in Kindergarten!" Followed by soft sobs)

So in the midst of these waves of babies and poop and days of ceaseless whining (Lord, Help me!!), when I thought I might actually drown...I didn't.

I was rescued.

Not by the Coast Guard or the Navy Seals, but by other mommies who were trying to stay afloat in their own Tsunamis. Mommies who would listen to my sob story, and then would smile knowingly and say, "Oh, that totally happened to me last week!" My lifelines became MOPS groups and other "Mommy" groups, telephone calls to understanding mommy friends, and blogging. And it is amazing how laughing about the poop in the tub with another mommy can keep one afloat for the rest of the day or longer!

Friendship and community are powerful, beautiful things. They definitely have helped me not only stay afloat, but also to become a better mom. I have been so deeply encouraged and totally inspired by other moms!

And so, it is this concept of "friendship and community between mothers" that inspired my sister, my sister-in-law, and myself to start a blog-community for moms. We wanted to create a place where we can share ideas, ask questions, express our creativity, and encourage one another. And we wanted to invite other mommies like yourself to join us on our journey.

So if you are sinking, feel free to grab on. And if you are floating, perhaps you could lend us your aid.

And if we stick together we just might be able to relax and enjoy the ride, as we all try to figure out how to surf the waves of motherhood...the Mommy Tsunamis.